Ghosts of the Past - Musings on a Holy Saturday in 2009

They crept up around her, she didn’t know a thing. They startled and scared her. They even surprised her. Were they still lurking around…lurking around in the dark corners of her soul, her heart, her very being? These Ghosts of the Past!

She had read somewhere that time is the greatest healer, she had even believed it, had hope in it and for a little less than a decade she had also been able to live it to the fullest but may be some sores are just too deep to be healed completely. Those years gone by were blissful…blissful because of the associated oblivion…she became innately aware of the fact that it was indeed only the oblivion which had kept them away…only the oblivion…because they were still lurking, lurking in the dark corners of her heart…These Ghosts of the Past!

And now she stood face to face, they were staring at her, laughing mercilessly, poking fun at her…These Ghosts of the Past.

She wanted to run…run far far away… for the truth and the pain of this was bitter...Why was the truth of it bitter? Strangely because the Truth was one big Lie and there was nothing she could do to change that. She felt extremely helpless in the face of it and try as she might, she could not change it…the sorrow overwhelmed her as she dwelt upon the absurdity of life and another’s life having such a deep impact upon her.
Why? Why? Why? Certain questions are much like hitting one’s head upon a wall. Other than the hurt and the bloodied state of the head, there is nothing one can gain out of this.

She had moved on, or so she thought. But when they came for her again, she felt like a soldier without his armour…the open battlefield and the enemy advancing…They mocked at her, jeered at her, called her names…these Ghosts of the Past.

But she thought she was made of stronger stuff…she had matured over the years. Mellowed a great deal, Life had been gracious but also taught her some beautiful lessons. But today she felt helpless; she had abhorred that feeling, that feeling of helplessness where she could do nothing. Nothing she said or did seem to make any difference. Oh! How she loathed that feeling, that emotion of being less loved despite having gone the extra mile.

She turned her face away, her eyes tightly shut, the brimming tears could hold on no longer, they gave up their balancing act and trickled down from the rims of her eyes. Then a strange peace wafted around her…a strange peace…the kind that passeth all understanding.
Her mind took her to a Face, disfigured, with a broken jaw, wounds on every inch of space on that Face, a bloodied mess! Yet through it she saw a smile…the smile startled her. How could one smile through all this pain? The smile seemed to say…I felt the same, yesterday…

Yesterday?... yesterday was Good Friday.

Note: Dear readers, perhaps a lot of you are wondering about the meaning of this post. That Saturday, I was thinking about how certain memories in our life just lie there...events, ideas, thoughts we think we have gotten over and then suddenly when they rear up again, how we are caught unawares. i was just pondering on that thought, when these words flowed on to form this post...I didn't think too much before penning down this post...just allowed my fingers to type effortlessly and speak whatever was coming to mind...perhaps some one can find a reflection of themselves, an old fear, a little guilt, a feeling of being hurt...resurfacing and causing us to gasp...So what is it that we do....I gave it back to the One who took away all the pain, all the sins, all the trauma, threw it in the deep, blue sea and as some nice preacher said it, 'He put up a sign saying- NO FISHING'

Hmmm!

That title aptly describes my current state of mind. I have slipped into pondering mode. Just finished polishing off a plate of pazham pori...etekya appam for those from Kottayam side...Plaintain bhajjis for the Non-mallus and Banana Fritters for the completely uninitiated...I can't explain any further. I am not particularly a fan of these fritters...i am not fond of the fruit Banana in general and Kerala has a variety of these...I wish it had more varieties of orange which is my favourite fruit.
So you're probably wondering why then did I 'polish' of the entire plate...well the entire plate had just 4 fritters on it...they were piping hot and if you were enjoying Cochin weather currently you would have also gorged on these!
It is 6:30in the evening at Cochin and we have just had a nice little shower of rain, that has the atmosphere really nice and cool...I love the rains when I am sitting at home...the way one enjoys Delhi rains is with a hot cuppa Chai and some garma garm pakodas - in Cochin it is with a hot cuppa Chaaya and some amazing 'etekya appams'... different strokes for different folks....After that satisfying snacking...my tummy is all well- fed and saying..burp...
May be the title of the post ought to be Mmmm! and not Hmmm!

Trying to Get back after a Hiatus

Tis' been a long time...hence aptly termed a Hiatus..but I guess the more important thing is to be back. So here I am...willing and wanting to write....I do hope there is no hiatus post this Post.

Love, PottersClay