For my blog

Hi! after sooooooooooo long....are you mad at me? i guess you are..i know you are and well! you have every right to be and so i am not going to waste your time offering any apologies that you are not going to accept anyway...nevertheless i will be modest and admit that i haven't been able to see you in a long time...that does not however change/affect/ modify any of the feelings that i do have for you. I still love and respect you for who you are and what you mean to me. It is just that i don't think i need to say sorry because it will sound so empty.
I hope the fact that i did come around though after nearly three months.....does mean something to you and makes up for that gap?!!

Alright! alright...if that does not make you very happy let me tell you something that will...i am sure you are not aware of this but people have been catching a glimpse of you and admiring you..you know. Aww! you're blushin'!! You have the privilege to! After all, you are my blog aren't you?
so no promises now..cos i can't seem to keep up with them, but i do want you to know that telling you how i feel about people, things, the weather, my highs and lows is so very satisfying. To cut a long story short....I love you blog....Stay in touch with me okayyyy!!!!! a ton of Muddugaoo to you...

P.S. Muddugaoo is what Shobhana said to Mohanlal in the award winning Mallu hit..Thenmaavin Komabathu...it means Kisses in some nice tribal dialect.
The movie ofcourse is a Must Watch.. Adios Amigo...(just for now!!)

Surprises...good surprises

It came as a pleasant shock when the husband told me that we were taking off to Agra the next day! You know for one, my husband is not really into travelling and definitely not into spur-of-the-moment plans. He is a very careful spender. The kind who saves for a rainy day and me, well...let's just say, i am not the careful spender that he is, though I am sure he wishes I would be. so when he suddenly told me that we needed to take off for a weekend holiday, i was pleasantly taken aback.

I realise that with time now, that we are the proverbial DINK (Double Income No Kids- for the uninitiated), who have reasonably good paychecks, live on our own and don't have to think twice about packing our bags and leaving for a holiday. There have been times when I have moaned to the Lord about not blessing us with children. He chides me, when I complain and tells me to bask in His love for me and to wait on Him.

And sure enough, I love the way God packs a blessing into everything. its like you open your tiffin during lunch at school, to realise dismally that its the same ol' BBJ (bread-butter-jam), that you've begun to detest but then Amma has also packed a bar of KitKat and that's what makes you look forward to finishing your BBJ and then relish the chocolate. (did you get the comparison??)

So on friday night after dinner at 10:30, we sat to surf the Net to look at the various weekend getaway options available. i just love the premise on which the Internet is built - Sharing! If used well, I think it is such an amazing tool which teaches us that it is only in Sharing that we Grow. it is quite the opposite of the idea that says- Don't let the other person know your skills, for fear that he might take it. The Internet strongly believes that No one can take away your mind from you. that's yours, yours alone and no one can steal that from you.

Anyway the Internet gave us 'too' many options. Jaipur, Agra, Nainital, Mussourie, Manali etc...etc, so we decided to 'disconnect' and zeroed in on Agra. Since he would do all the driving, it was better to chose a closer place. that done, we called up our friendly neighbourhood Malayalee tour operator, who promptly suggested to us a hotel of our 'type'.

The most pleased about our trip was our maid, my all-in-one, dependable Razia, who must have been praying to Allah for a 'holiday'. Her otherwise solemn face, lit up like the thousand bulbs on Rajpath in Dilli around Beating-the Retreat, when she heard about her unexpected holiday. 'Apna honeymoon enjay karo', she said cattily, to which my husband seemed visibly surprised at the use of the terms 'honeymoon' and 'enjoy' by Razia. Razia is actually pretty good with English terms, almost leading me to believe that she has a fetish for the language. I have often heard her use English terms with great ease, not even stopping to check if they were appropriate. She doesn't show the same regard for Malayalam and is kind of 'embarassed of the language. But whatever language she speaks, she is an angel.

I suspect this entire trip was Razia's doing. Her life reminds me of the lines from the Alchemist - when you want something really badly (read: holiday), the entire universe conspires to help you achieve it. Speaking of which, I strongly suspect that she must have wanted a break on Sunday and would have not wanted to ask me but would have wanted it desperately anyway.

God bless her, thanks to her...I got to see the Taj...More on the trip in my next post!

The Sealing Saga - Part 1

There it was, on the second page of the Times of India, Delhi's premier daily, a fairly big write up and a picture of our office building, the second floor balcony of our office clearly within the frame of the picture. Thankfully, it was without the sign board, which we had just removed a week ago. I stared open mouthed at the piece and realised with nervousness for the first time, that I was going to be affected by an event that was creating national news!! It should have created a flutter, but it gave me panic attacks instead. The MCD 'claws' were closing in on my office space.

You know, reading about the chaos and mayhem is one thing, being part of that mayhem is quite another. Here I was the ' head ' of office of the Delhi branch, sitting and sipping my cup of cool tea, stunned beyond my wits about what was going to happen. my mind was conjuring up images of the Fearful Squad as though they were the Klu Klux Klan, pot-bellied men in their safari suits, their teeth brown and red with stains of tobacco and paan, Cops in their unfriendly khakhi and rude demeanour, and the Media and Press shoving and pushing to take pictures of our office and us, as the defaulters! Defaulters! Criminals!..hoo! boy! i didn't want to make national news of this kind. I imagined us putting up a fight Rang De Basanti ishtyle and then a shiver went down my spine, thinking of the gory end that met the protagonists...."Hmm! what happened?" my husband's question, shook me out of my 'nightmare'. I showed him the news piece. his eyes scanned the piece. he didn't say anything. Just a heavy pause, pregnant with meaning. I stared at him open mouthed. " hmm" he sighed again....hmmm??? just a hmmm?? here i was Paranoia Personified and all he could manage was a " hmmm"....huh!

The scene in office was devoid of the paranoia that I was experiencing. Liz, the Asst Manager was busy at her desk and waved a short 'hi'; Chandini, the trainer was sitting in her track suit and sport shoes in the training room poring over the day's lessons, a few students sat staring at their text books, Kitty, the Nurse Relations Coordinator sat in the same room as Liz flipping the pages of the dreaded TOI morning edition, but obviously not reading it, or she would have been the first one to tell me and there was Pavan, the office assistant obliviously tottering about his everyday tasks. I hated to disturb the peace. A little while later Liz walked into to wish me, and taking one look at me, she took no time in asking me what the matter was.

I passed on the paper to her, with a grim face, true Bollywood ishtyle, my eyes staring glumly at the computer screen, my ears in eager expectation, to hear the gasp from Liz. Sure enough she gasped and said " what are we going to do, Shilpa? "

And with that question began our sealing saga. - A saga that taught us "lessons in sealing" and then came back once again to "test our skills in sealing." A saga that taught me a great deal about team work, relationships, girl power and above all God's love and His Providence through the testing times. It was also about being faithful in small things, in inspiring another and keeping a straight head when all around you are losing theirs. It also taught me that it was okay to not think straight at some time and allow the team to share some of the burden.

There were times when I felt so alone in handling all of the stress,when questions and calls from higher-ups were tough to answer. Therir anxiety was understandable. This was someone else's money that I was dealing with. but one look at my team and the girls and their confidence, I knew i wasn't alone.

it taught me that God can accomplish great things from a completely unlikely bunch of people. I learned patience over frustration, learnt to lean on God. Sealing earned me friendships with colleagues like Liz and Susan and Kitty. Sealing taught me to value my husband and his wise counsel. His rock steady strength was what kept me afloat. In times, when I cribbed about being the Team Leader and wanting to run away and hide in the confines of a new job, he showed me my cowardice and taught me to face my fears, to gather my wits and march on ahead.

But why am i writing about all of this, only to chronicle an event that tested me and I cannot, should not, must not forget the meaning of it. As I look back, I wonder How....how did we and then I see the footprints of the Nazarene - Emmanuel....God with us!!!

To Be Continued...

My Restlessness...His Rest

Feel listless today, restless and sore, the brain is all fuzzy, it don't work any more,

Don't feel His presence, He seems faraway, there seems to be none who has time to care,

all are busy with their million tasks, all seem to say - 'you don't have a part'

loneliness sets in though strangely i am, surrounded by a crowd of a hundred and nine.

where is my space? can i carve my niche? my voice within goes unheard, though i screech

All i can hear are the whirring PCs, click-clacking keyboards, Mouse and machine!

somedays are like this, dull and sore, where fake smiles and handshakes are such a bore,

competition's strong, it can get you down, welcome to the world of ' fury and sound'

I feel fear within, i wish to hide, but I want to feel secure, I wish to feel ' at Home',

I plug my ears tight and block out the noises, I close my eyes shut and hope the world pauses

And then through the Solitude I hear a sweet voice - lean on Me, my little one, hold on tight,

Learn from Me, Trust me, My burden is light.

I am your Friend, you're carved on my Palm, surrender yourself, experience My calm,

Believe I have plans, plans for your good, situations and circumstances, I can use for your good,

You need to rest, let your murmurings cease, give me your sorrows, feel happy- at peace,

Peace fills my soul, I am washed in His love,

His are the Everlasting Arms I call Home.

Afternoons in the December Sun

I love Delhi during this time of year. the afternoon temperatures are just right. the Sun isn't scorching down and there is this light breeze too, which makes the whole environment so pleasant. The sun is at its best behaviour during this time of year.

Balmy winter afternoons remind me uf old times. When I was at school, we used to be a group of about eight walking back from the bus stop, a cackling bunch usually delirious with excitement at the thought of reaching home, especially if it was a Friday afternoon, our heavy bags on our shoulders, our sweaters comfortably knotted around our waist, black shoes brown with dust.
Once home, Bro and I would change out of our uniforms, eat our lunch and then sit in the verandah to soak in the sun and do our homework. Naniji, our neighbour with a perennial smile (and a golden heart) would be invariably knitting a sweater for one of her kin and there would be freshly washed genhu (wheat) spread on the charpayi drying in the December sun. Since our homes were 20 steps apart there was constant interaction between the homes. I remember munching on the grains of wheat, picking up handfuls of what Naniji termed 'chocolate'. I remember their chewy texture and warmth as they baked in the December sun.
In college, there were days of basking in the Andrews Court at St. Stephen's my alma mater. Where humans and dogs were equally loved and respected and were 'entitled to find their place in the Sun' - so usually one would find a lazy dog, stretched right beside a group of us basking in the warmth of the glorious December sun! Law college days and marriage and exams coincided so some December afternoons were dedicated to poring over constitutional law, contract act, also cutting vegetables for evening supper, folding dried up clothes and falling asleep in the middle of those times in the glorious December Sun. Then work happened and I could savour the warmth of the December Sun only on and off. But i try and make the most of it now. Enjoying the memories of those moments spent in the glorious December sun, its rays warming my sweater, causing my brown cheeks to turn red. So i will go for my stroll tomorrow after lunch and enjoy the warm December sun and relive my memories of it.

Blanco Carro saved me

I am not a major movie buff but i do read the reviews of some promising flicks , with great ardour and usually a strong storyline excites me and then i make plans to watch the movie. hubby dear isn't too much into movies either but once in a while we both enjoy a good flick. I would like to believe that we are sensible cine-goers and don't usually end up watching every other movie that hits the box office. i take pride in the fact that i can critique a film well (often without watching it!) and therefore can be relied upon for an honest opinion on whether to watch or not. But sadly even the wisest of cine-goers ends up making errors of judgement and sometimes ends up watching not one but two stupid flicks in a row, despite knowing that the second one is a sure shot damp squib.
the other day, the husband decided to be a do-gooder and came to pick me up and so my little brain cooked up ideas on how to convince him to watch a 'good' movie. it wasn't too tough, he was in a good mood, happy about his latest possession, his white car and very unsuspectingly, said yes to a seemingly harmless request.
As the drive progressed, he began to realise his folly; traffic was quite heavy and he was worried about his 'baby' in this case his 'car.' So i heard some heavy sighs, mutterings under his breath and monosyllabic talk for the rest of the way. Part of me wanted to say - Ok! what the heck, lets not have you fuming this way, and go home....But i didn't say a word.
Reached one of the huge malls and the husband, was eager to first find parking for his little white baby, who must be 'tired' of the drive! (I was getting a bit jealous of this now, for she seemed to usurp the precious little time we had together)

So we parked her into a cozy space in the underground parking lot and grumpily, he got out...I shot him one of my 'trademark' glances that said- Now that we're here let's just enjoy the movie... he shot back a forced- watered down smile...still muttering under his breath. But love makes you do strange things and so, reluctantly, he started to 'enjoy our time together.'
As we reached the ground level in order to cross over since the movie of choice was playing in a theatre across the road, we realised that thanks to the construction work, it was next to impossible to get across and so we settled to watch- Om Shanti Om at the theatre in the same mall where we had parked.
Decision made, i thought it would bring a smile to hubby dear's face since he quite likes SRK! A slight smile, I did see. All along, I was thinking about another disaster that we had wasted time upon -'Saanwariya.' We were yet to get over the extreme shock, (even hurt) and boredom of that 3 hour ordeal. ' This one can't be bad, won't make the same mistake twice', I convinced myself.
we strolled through the mall to kill time. And then i got hungry!! Again a bone of contention for hubby who likes to indulge me most times, but is of the opinion that whenever we decide to 'spend quality time together' we end up 'spending quality money', gaining extra calories and worrying about cholestrol and fat. I agreed, angrily and thought that perhaps ordering 'steamed' momos would help. 'Atleast it wasn't fried', I reasoned within me, though not convinced.
hungrily i polished off the plate of momos, ordered for some (more) noodles and it was time for the movie.
The hall was, well, almost empty. so we had seats of choice (the only thing good in the entire three hours, i realised much later.) OSO turned out to be like sipping on tea gone horribly cold. An extremely juvenile take on the cinema of the 60s. A spoof that went poof!
It was trying its best to be entertaining, but it was far from it. Hubby dear sulked and sulked and sulked and sulked and I dare not look at him. Through the corner of my eye, I could see him slunking deeper and deeper into the seat, looking with complete disgust at the screen, cursing his stars. I tried my best to 'laugh' at every possible joke, but all i could manage was a weak, make-believe giggle. For it was such an effort to even laugh. So I giggled and he smirked... at my giggle. And I ...I cursed SRK for letting me down and blamed him for the - 'I told you so Fight' that I knew would follow. I imagined the discourses on how stubborn I was about wanting something; how i knew how to throw a tantrum like a child to have my way.
Three torturous hours over, we stepped out quietly with the other, equally bored and stunned movie goers with us, towards the lifts. Intentionally avoiding his piercing gaze, I told some arbit female in the lift how boring the movie was. I knew I sounded stupid.
Well, it didn't help. But once in the parking lot, all he could think of was of his White Baby. He was happy when he spotted her. He seemed to have forgotten the ordeal. Then something magical happened, instead of him nagging me about how bad the movie was and what a stupid idea it was to watch it, he spoke about the car! In fact the journey back was less about my folly and more concentrated on some sound that our Blanca (Spanish for white) Baby was making. Truly, I felt a twang of guilt for being jealous of her...after all she turned out to be my lifesaver.

Calling 333!

Liza had just finished with an official meeting with the Boss. She was into a new job for close to 3 months and the training time had been like a dream. Loooong....Light and relaxed, it was as though the company was in no hurry to get her to start work. But somedays, coming to work seemed a little disheartening because everyone else seemed so sure of what they wanted/had to do. And there were some others who worked with her, who seemed to know their way a lot better. They seemed to know what to say and how to get their way. "My turn will come too", she quipped and reasoned with her doubting heart that seemed to say otherwise. There was a lurking fear too as monotony was setting in. What when real work starts? Would she be ready?
She hated the fact that she was still nervous. How many times had she told herself to take it easy? That everyone else was just like her., though some walked as though with a chip on their shoulder.

The session was simple and yet complex, with theories and jargon and terms straight out of a book on management strategies. why did Professionalism have to be suited and booted, with its stiff upper lip in place? Liza's mind was like a jigsaw with the pieces of the puzzle strewn all across her head. She had always dreaded management theories and jargon and here she was right in the middle of it, wanting to make sense of everything, wanting to shake her head vigorously to state that she understood it all.
She wanted to sound smart and efficient, like everything was making sense. she wanted to prove she was good too. that they had made no mistake in picking her. the boss talked and talked. she realised with fear that she couldn't really grasp things. Panic was setting in! Where was she heading? what was she thinking, when she took this up? the familiar enemy called Self Doubt crept in...and then all of a sudden her eyes settled on the clock - 3:33...Jeremiah 33:3: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you a great many things you do not know."

Suddenly, familiar Peace swept Liza's heart. She was going to be fine, for her Saviour was with her. He was going to tell her innumerable things she did not know. that was the whole point...she was going to be taught the things she DID NOT KNOW.