Taxi Cab Chatter

Well, its strange how certain phenomena can have such a deep effect on people. Take the simple case of the place where I work, I have cabs that pick and drop me from work. The last I remember being picked and dropped was when I was in school. A red coloured ChunMun transport bus would pick us from the bus stop where a bunch of us would wait with eager anticipation. The driver was usually a surly old man with a patchy face and it was usual for him to first twirl his moushtache and watch us as we boarded the bus and then look nonchalantly across the road to see if there was some poor soul, who was late and was running at top speed, flaying her arms and the pig tails, red ribbons coming undone, with a parent in tow,carrying her bag or tiffin. The driver would more often than not, accelarate in a bid to make the already harried student, run like a sprinter running her last Olympic.
The next "pick and drop" was when I was in college - the wait for the U-Special, the last minute scramble for seats, ah! the madness, it was worth every memory I have. Those were then and to my mind, pick ups and drops were meant for student life.

But then came the Outsourcing culture, offices in the outskirts of Delhi,nocturnal work timings and with that came the now prevalent culture of taxi cabs. Well, they certainly are a welcome relief from the ordeal of waiting incessantly at a bus stop or haggling with crazy autowallahs. Most companies add 'Free Cabs' as an means to motivate people to take a job at a place that is 65 kms away from home and no person in a sane mind would choose to travel that distance on his own.

The cabs, apart from the fact that they transport one from office to home and home to office are also a great team building factor. For example, my cab mates have changed nearly thrice since I joined, which means that I know atleast 10 new people in the office.

The radio plays a huge role in binding unlikely cab mates. The nonsensical chit-chat of the friendly Radio Jockey can set many a conversations starting. It can cause a flurry of giggles amongst hitherto unknown people, who are now joined in laughter at the silliness of that one joke. And then with time, you become better colleagues, friends and better people. I know of people who are sad to leave a particular cab because they get so attached to the group.

From discourses on cooking, to palmistry, to sharing a common passion for food. Discovering new facts: Did you know that the Nawabi name of Golgappas is Paani Ke Bataashe or that in Bihar, the humble Paani poori is also known as 'Gupchup'. From discussing irritating landlords, to finding a place on rent, to discussing the significance of a 'Fast on Monday/ Thursday... These cab conversations are light hearted and can take one's mind off the crazy schedule at work. Those 60 minutes in the cab are exclusive and worth it.

For my blog

Hi! after sooooooooooo long....are you mad at me? i guess you are..i know you are and well! you have every right to be and so i am not going to waste your time offering any apologies that you are not going to accept anyway...nevertheless i will be modest and admit that i haven't been able to see you in a long time...that does not however change/affect/ modify any of the feelings that i do have for you. I still love and respect you for who you are and what you mean to me. It is just that i don't think i need to say sorry because it will sound so empty.
I hope the fact that i did come around though after nearly three months.....does mean something to you and makes up for that gap?!!

Alright! alright...if that does not make you very happy let me tell you something that will...i am sure you are not aware of this but people have been catching a glimpse of you and admiring you..you know. Aww! you're blushin'!! You have the privilege to! After all, you are my blog aren't you?
so no promises now..cos i can't seem to keep up with them, but i do want you to know that telling you how i feel about people, things, the weather, my highs and lows is so very satisfying. To cut a long story short....I love you blog....Stay in touch with me okayyyy!!!!! a ton of Muddugaoo to you...

P.S. Muddugaoo is what Shobhana said to Mohanlal in the award winning Mallu hit..Thenmaavin Komabathu...it means Kisses in some nice tribal dialect.
The movie ofcourse is a Must Watch.. Adios Amigo...(just for now!!)

I am not the Lost Son....I am the Lost Sheep

I haven't blogged for a long time now. not that thoughts and ideas haven't come...not that I have lost all interest, it is just that I have been struggling with some of the lessons that God has been trying to teach me.

Simple truths are the most complicated to drive home....A paradox isn't it?! Well, that's what my life has been for the past months. A fellow blogger, blogged on her blog saying that she would write about her not-so triumphant experiences, while she was going through them rather than wait for God to work a miracle, experience the deliverance and then write a testimony. That thought mirrored my own existence and left a deep impression within me.

To not wait to see God's deliverance...but to believe that He who called me is faithful and has given me victory already.

the last two weeks since we came back from our trip home, the husband and I seem to be having these never ending bickerings. they usually start off as something small but then i can see the proverb...Making a Mountain out of a Molehill literally come to life. then the entire family gets dragged in, we start calling each other names and then another proverb comes to life...Anger is a letter short of Danger. When we go through the fight, it almost feels like it will never ever end, thankfully it does. And almost always, in the aftermath of it, I fall silent and seeth with guilt and shame. and then I make all these tall claims about how I will never fight, never talk an ill word, never joke too much in fact I won't talk at all and will and maintain a 'distance.' It Never Works... because Communication is the core of a Christ ordained marriage. The other day, just after one of those quarrels, I sat down with my Bible, tears flowing down my cheeks. I knew I was in the wrong and God kept convicting me as to how I had let anger conquer me. About how I had shown disrepect to my Godly husband.

And then began this conversation within me. Me and Jesus.

I said," Lord, I don't know my way back to you. i don't know how to control my anger. I feel far from your presence.
God was quiet. I could not hear anything.
I sobbed a while and told the Lord that I needed consoling. that i felt alone, very unloved and very unworthy. my self worth had hit an all time low and I was falling for all of Satan's tricks.

LORD! I CAN'T BE THE LOST SON AND COME BACK TO YOU...I AM THE LOST SHEEP.... I NEED YOU TO FIND ME....LEAVE THE 99 AND FIND ME LORD!!!

the thought startled me, and as it pervaded my senses, it filled me with an inexplicable calm. Yes! He would come to search for me, if I didn't know the way back. I felt like a little child, her little ego hurt, who out of sheer sadness and her own inability to obey had given up.....but the Father wouldn't give up. he would leave the rest and come in search of me!! My perspective changed and I prayed with confidence.

God healed the little blister in our marriage immediately.

He Strengthens Me

Cry out my heart, let the soreness slip away with the tears, the heaviness in my heart that weighs me down,
Negativity that sucks me into the deep abyss of despair; weakness and hopelessness surround.
My heart wants to holler at the mundane around me, to scream profanities at the foolishness around me,
Questions, questions, more questions I see, Peace, Hope and Faith, these virtues elude me.
There is a battle within, a war in my soul, as though my soul is two pieces of a whole,

I quell the voices within and the feeblest one, I pick,
The one that gently tells me not to fall for the Evil One's trick
To believe is a choice, a tough one to make, but I will make it for His Name sake,
Faith is the answer, His love is the key, I can do all for He strengthens me.

Surprises...good surprises

It came as a pleasant shock when the husband told me that we were taking off to Agra the next day! You know for one, my husband is not really into travelling and definitely not into spur-of-the-moment plans. He is a very careful spender. The kind who saves for a rainy day and me, well...let's just say, i am not the careful spender that he is, though I am sure he wishes I would be. so when he suddenly told me that we needed to take off for a weekend holiday, i was pleasantly taken aback.

I realise that with time now, that we are the proverbial DINK (Double Income No Kids- for the uninitiated), who have reasonably good paychecks, live on our own and don't have to think twice about packing our bags and leaving for a holiday. There have been times when I have moaned to the Lord about not blessing us with children. He chides me, when I complain and tells me to bask in His love for me and to wait on Him.

And sure enough, I love the way God packs a blessing into everything. its like you open your tiffin during lunch at school, to realise dismally that its the same ol' BBJ (bread-butter-jam), that you've begun to detest but then Amma has also packed a bar of KitKat and that's what makes you look forward to finishing your BBJ and then relish the chocolate. (did you get the comparison??)

So on friday night after dinner at 10:30, we sat to surf the Net to look at the various weekend getaway options available. i just love the premise on which the Internet is built - Sharing! If used well, I think it is such an amazing tool which teaches us that it is only in Sharing that we Grow. it is quite the opposite of the idea that says- Don't let the other person know your skills, for fear that he might take it. The Internet strongly believes that No one can take away your mind from you. that's yours, yours alone and no one can steal that from you.

Anyway the Internet gave us 'too' many options. Jaipur, Agra, Nainital, Mussourie, Manali etc...etc, so we decided to 'disconnect' and zeroed in on Agra. Since he would do all the driving, it was better to chose a closer place. that done, we called up our friendly neighbourhood Malayalee tour operator, who promptly suggested to us a hotel of our 'type'.

The most pleased about our trip was our maid, my all-in-one, dependable Razia, who must have been praying to Allah for a 'holiday'. Her otherwise solemn face, lit up like the thousand bulbs on Rajpath in Dilli around Beating-the Retreat, when she heard about her unexpected holiday. 'Apna honeymoon enjay karo', she said cattily, to which my husband seemed visibly surprised at the use of the terms 'honeymoon' and 'enjoy' by Razia. Razia is actually pretty good with English terms, almost leading me to believe that she has a fetish for the language. I have often heard her use English terms with great ease, not even stopping to check if they were appropriate. She doesn't show the same regard for Malayalam and is kind of 'embarassed of the language. But whatever language she speaks, she is an angel.

I suspect this entire trip was Razia's doing. Her life reminds me of the lines from the Alchemist - when you want something really badly (read: holiday), the entire universe conspires to help you achieve it. Speaking of which, I strongly suspect that she must have wanted a break on Sunday and would have not wanted to ask me but would have wanted it desperately anyway.

God bless her, thanks to her...I got to see the Taj...More on the trip in my next post!

Breakfast for the Boys- John 21

Uh! okay, Bloggie...so you're mad at me for not visiting you in a while. Well, I haven't been able to give much thought to my words or rather I haven't been able to give words to my thoughts...See! how confused I am! Anyways this one is a rant...to be read by all the readers of this blog. I mean, why can't people leave a comment on the blog itself? Unless they want to say something really nasty, which has not happened thus far. It would make me really happy,to see a comment on this blog. It is so encouraging to see a mail saying 'New Comment' on blog. but i get to hear it on mail or in person or on the telephone.
Come to think of it, we are all such social creatures...atleast I am. I am amazed at myself because when I started this blog I told myself that this was only my free mind putting across my free thoughts and that I 'didn't care' if someone read them or not.Well, it doesn't seem like I am holding on to that philosophy any longer. I want to be read and encouraged!!!

Personally I think encouragement is just so important in life. To be told that what we do/ did is good or that it makes a difference.. I am sure it is the same case with most people, Encouragement works like magic. Flattery ofcourse, doesn't get one anywhere but true encouragement can do wonders to the soul. Christ is a great Encourager.

I am reminded of the time when after the Crucifixion and the Resurrection, the disciples went back to fishing... their old trade, and even after a whole night of toil... they caught no fish..It must have been so disappointing to know that the ocean, once their 'friend and mainstay' who had always given itself in abundance to them, was suddenly 'empty'. And then they see Jesus who encourages them to cast their nets to the 'other' side. And what a catch it was ...153, silvery, slippery, delicious fish!. The disciples' eyes' must have popped out of their sockets.
Methinks, when Jesus said cast it on the other side, He meant cast it onto the side of 'faith'; this was the hitherto unseen side of the ocean - the ' faith side' that the disciples had missed seeing.
Also note how Christ doesn't get angry at them for getting back to their 'old ways', back to fishing. He could have been irritated and told them that He had, for three years, taught them to be Fishers of Men! but yet the minute He was crucified, they thought all had ended and they went back to fishing. Three years of training, of prayer, of seeing miracles, of preparation all gone down the drain....in this case down the sea!!

It is like Amma taking three hours to teach me Math and I shake my head to show that I understand and yet after half-an-hour, I still make the same error... it is so exasperating.
As a leader and as the Son of Man, He may have been disappointed but as God, as Father, He didn't get angry that they had gone 'back to square one.' Instead there too, He fulfilled their need and asked them to cast their nets on the other side.

i believe that Jesus did this to show that even in our daily everyday things , things that we think, we know like the back of our palm and yet we err in - even in those things God can work.
The disciples, were confident, while Christ was with them (in human form) and while they were with Him, they were genuinely 'good boys' who did everything without question and wanted to please Him, even if it didn't make sense to untie an unknown person's little donkey and to tell Him, that the Master' had asked for it.

Even in my walk with the Lord, there are moments when I am so filled with His spirit that all I want to do is please Him, yet there are other times when i don't know how to pray and I try all my old ways. But He gently chides me for not casting on the 'faith side', but never gets angry. He understands our fraility as human beings, yours and mine. I am sure it must have disappointed Him nonetheless that His disciples, who were literally His shadow, and whom He had prepared for such a great Commission, when He was no more with them in physical form, they did not realise His spiritual presence and went back to their old trade.
Yet He encourages...he blesses them with another miracle and this time not only do they catch fish, they catch 153, their nets stay unharmed and what's more He is waiting on the shore, ready to cook Breakfast for the Boys....what a loving Father , Friend, Encourager, God!!

Which brings me back to my rant that I wish that people who read my blog would encourage me by posting their comments on my Blog itself. Try it people, it will make this blogger really happy..

My Brother's Prayer

It wasn't eloquent, words cascading like waterfalls, there wasn't much clarity of thought or the choicest vocabulary. Yet it was one of the most beautiful prayers I had ever heard. It is something that has stayed with me as a beautiful reminder of the fact that when we talk to people we are guarded, our speech seasoned with salt, our words carefully chosen, but with God...there are no such rules...He is the only one who understands the gibberish in our prayers. My brother's prayer was simple, straightforward and from the heart, in fact he has not even bothered to change the words of his prayer- what he was taught at the age of 6 has stayed with him as he turns 26. Family prayer was an integral part of our growing up years. I still recall Amma constantly calling..."Shilpa, Ashish come to pray." This Azaan (Call for Prayer) was a daily ritual at 6:40 am, just before we left for school. Appa would invariably be under the sheet or razai (depending on the weather), staring sleepily at the newspaper trying his best to look as 'fresh' as possible so his little ones did not feel that they had a raw deal in getting up so early for school. There was always a certain order to our family prayer and we both knew how it was supposed to be. First, Amma would read the Bible, then the Daily Reading, my brother would pray first, then I and finally Appa would pray in Malayalam and we would then round it off with the Lord's prayer. Then a mad scramble to the bus stop. Tiffin boxes shoved into our bags, down a glass of milk and we were off! Amma taught both of us the first prayer we ever prayed.

• It had to start with a Thankyou to Jesus for the morning that he had blessed us with.
• Then a list of all the 'important' people in our lives whom we had to 'bless' in His name
• Any people/relatives who were ill and needed special prayers. I remember us praying for the heart operation of amachy's sister. She had a hole in her heart.
• Any known people travelling were prayed for and wished a safe journey.
• Exam days meant special prayers for an ' easy question paper '
• Special events like birthdays, anniversaries of dear ones were also remembered.
  

It has been years since those days of family prayer. Much has changed. My prayer has become more eloquent. I do feel blessed that God has given me the ability to remember verses and to pray. I know it is His grace. I can recall verses and parables and I pray using those, with no other intention, but to make my prayer more meaningful and to glorify the Lord and once in a while earn a compliment or two. but I feel guilty that sometimes I find myself 'practising' my prayers because i want to impress!! But Ashish, I know, is very content with his style of praying, sure of himself and knowing well, that flattery or spouting long verses are not going to get him anywhere with the Lord who knows him for what he is. I remember him in his teen years, arguing with Amma to raise the curfew time of 9 for him to get home. Whatever time he came back, however tired he may be, I would see him sit up on his bed, hands folded, eyes tight shut, lips sometimes silently moving in serious prayer. He is no saint, though my grandma would vouch that there ' Aint no Sun, shinier than her golden Boy', he did all the naughty things that boys his age do, he got caught for most of them, but everyday in his own way, he went back in prayer to his Redeemer, baring his soul, seeking forgiveness, making candid confessions, asking for counsel from the One who made him.

As of now we are all in different places Cochin, Delhi - and my brother Ashish is in another continent! But I miss hearing him pray. To this day, I am sure he prays the same way. and you know what....I am also sure that the Lord listens.

Dear Ashish, you just turned 26, last Sunday, and I believe that you prayed the same prayer in your heart as you rose from bed...the one that Amma taught you. I may have never mentioned this but I want you to know that I am truly impressed by your prayer. it is sincere and from the heart with no pretensions. i do hope that the simplistic zeal with which you pray will keep you closer in your walk with the Lord at all times. Your compassion, kindness and the loving heart that you are blessed with are qualities that will hold you in good stead. All those around you feel truly blessed by your life and I pray that in the coming years too, you continue to bless our lives. I pray that the Lord blesses you abundantly and my fervent wish for you is that in the coming years, you continue to pray and grow in the Lord and pass on the prayer to the next generation..the same prayer that Appa and Amma taught us years ago is the prayer that is keeping us alive and united even as we are miles apart . God Loves you and SO DO I !!!!
Happy birthday Bro!!!