He was also there

I close my eyes and try to see,
the sense in all that's happening to me,
Dusk is settling in, another day gone,
Of lost promises and dreams turned to dust,
The Sun slowly sets on the horizon,
taking my dreams with it, it seems,
Lord, I ask you for you made me,
what are the plans that you forsee?
Puzzled, confused , I want my answers now,
the future is full of Why? When? and How?

An aching soul, a watered down smile,
Downcast eyes, tears brimming, trickle down in a while,
all the guilt and the shame, resurface again,
my mind it plays all the tricks again,
Sin must be the cause, I am the one to blame,
maybe I deserve to feel all of this pain
Self pity creeps in and makes my soul its home,
I single out my pain, and doubt if God really knows.


I close my eyes again to concentrate and strain my ears
to hear the gentle whisper that speaks through the storm,
Cacophony reigns, I cannot hear His Voice,
I am convinced and dejected,
That me, He has rejected,
That's the end of my tether, I am in total despair,
My heart its bruised and hurt, broken beyond repair,
That even God didn't want me, the thought i could not bear.


Suddenly I felt a moistness on my cheek,
I wiped it .. it was blood(!) , I panicked..i freaked,
I looked above my head, to see the source of the blood,
Was suprised to see, twas a picture of the Lord,
It had Him kneeling, His hands folded in prayer,
In Gethsamene, He was laying His heart bare.
Sweat-soaked His forehead, bloodied His brow,
the drop that trickled onto me, was a symbol of love,
Sacrificing His Life as He died upon the tree,
The Purpose of Calvary was to set me free,

He said to me with kind voice, as I held my face to His,
"When alone upon that Cross, I felt exactly like this,
I couldn't hear my Father and cacophony reigned
I called out to my Father and ignorance He feigned,
It broke my Spirit to think that by Him I was rejected,
My heart too was bruised and broken beyond repair,
That my Father did not want me, the thought I too could not bear.
but then I commited my Spirit to his hands, trusted him with all my might
And as I looked heavenward, I saw Him in his glorious light
His arms were open wide, his eyes brimming with tears,
Well done my Son, He said. "Against the Devil, you put up a good fight."

His answer surprised me, I realised with a start,
That Jesus too had felt that way,was indeed a humbling thought,
So I wiped my tears, mustered up my faith and closed my eyes again,
but this time it was different, for I saw My Father through my Pain,
These days when in times of doubt and fear, I strain my ears to hear His voice,
Cacophony still reigns, there is still a lot of noise,
But then I lift my heart, heavenward and whisper a silent prayer,
Father I know you are like my shadow, with me everywhere,
I rest assured and peaceful, though around me there's despair,
My Saviour also felt this way, He was also there.